After spending the last several months (YEARS actually) studying habits and the different ways that they intertwine with our self image and identity, I'm excited to dedicate an episode to just a sampling of these ideas.
This episode is an invitation to step into the power of your unique voice and live with joy, shedding the constraints of a rigid self-narrative.
James Clear's "Atomic Habits" takes center stage in our discussion, offering a look at how small changes can lead to monumental shifts in our self-perception and identity. We navigate the landscape of neuroplasticity, taking a look at how altering our daily routines can rewire our brains and reinforce our self belief.
We end the episode by illuminating the subtle distinction between being humble and modest. Instead of diminishing our light under the guise of modesty, we champion humility as a genuine expression of self that empowers both ourselves and those around us.
Join me for an empowering conversation that encourages you to live unapologetically, honor your successes, and to inspire a collective ascent to loosening those laces and living out whatever largeness lies within you.
P.S. Please help me out and tell your friends this podcast is back! Apple Podcasts has paused a huge amount of listeners without them knowing. Between that and my (highly diminished) reach on social media, barely any of my subscribers even know that the podcast has returned. Thank you for sharing in any way you can! Muah
Follow LeAnna and Curating the Curious:
Instagram: @curating.the.curious
@leanna_azzolini_photography
Website:
leannaazzoliniphoto.com
After spending the last several months (YEARS actually) studying habits and the different ways that they intertwine with our self image and identity, I'm excited to dedicate an episode to just a sampling of these ideas.
This episode is an invitation to step into the power of your unique voice and live with joy, shedding the constraints of a rigid self-narrative.
James Clear's "Atomic Habits" takes center stage in our discussion, offering a look at how small changes can lead to monumental shifts in our self-perception and identity. We navigate the landscape of neuroplasticity, taking a look at how altering our daily routines can rewire our brains and reinforce our self belief.
We end the episode by illuminating the subtle distinction between being humble and modest. Instead of diminishing our light under the guise of modesty, we champion humility as a genuine expression of self that empowers both ourselves and those around us.
Join me for an empowering conversation that encourages you to live unapologetically, honor your successes, and to inspire a collective ascent to loosening those laces and living out whatever largeness lies within you.
P.S. Please help me out and tell your friends this podcast is back! Apple Podcasts has paused a huge amount of listeners without them knowing. Between that and my (highly diminished) reach on social media, barely any of my subscribers even know that the podcast has returned. Thank you for sharing in any way you can! Muah
Follow LeAnna and Curating the Curious:
Instagram: @curating.the.curious
@leanna_azzolini_photography
Website:
leannaazzoliniphoto.com
Welcome to Curating the Curious, the podcast that celebrates staying curious in life and never settling into a box. This show is for the creators, the seekers, the explorers, the truth tellers and the forever students of life, no matter what age or stage you're currently at. This is not as good as it gets, and it is never too late to begin. Join me as we explore all of the questions that come with the idea of curiosity a place where the possibilities are endless and you can always start again. Instead of walking into this new year with a list of goals and a list of things I want to accomplish, I started several months ago investigating habits why we do things, what makes us form these habits, how can we change them. All of the things about neuroplasticity, identity and the way that your habits shape your identity, and also the way that your identity shapes your habits. A lot of this is talked about actually in Atomic Habits by James Clear, and I have also been listening to James Clear on the Masterclass on the book. There's so much focus for me right now on the psychology of it, not only because it's interesting, but I think that it deserves a lot more attention and time than we give it each year when we make these plans, most of us give up way too early when we see ourselves taking steps back or okay, I made this promise to myself and I haven't been keeping it. Okay, I'm done. You move on rather than really digging in and getting into. How do you shape new habits? Why are you doing it? Who is it that you want to become like? Moving from the inside out, rather the outside in the inside, is you your identity, who you are, who you want to be?
Speaker 1:If you're looking to form identity-based habits, this level is concerned with things like changing your beliefs, your worldview, your self-image, your judgments about yourself, your judgments about others. Most of the beliefs and assumptions and biases you hold. They're associated with this level. The outcomes are what you get. The process in between is about what you do, those daily things you do. Identity is about what you believe, and when it comes to building habits that last and building a system of small, tiny increments of improvements, the problem is not that one level is better or worse than another. All levels of change are useful in their own way. The problem is the direction of change. The habits aren't lasting because we're doing it backwards. So many people are starting with the outside the outcome, and they're trying to go in to change the identity, when really it's about.
Speaker 1:Let's start with the identity. What you're thinking, what you're believing, what are those things that you say to yourself every single day? We all have those tracks that play in our head. How do we get in there, figure out what we are programming ourselves to believe and think about the world and switch that to something greater, more expansive? We often label ourselves in our minds. We kind of take a survey of what everybody has labeled us as and told us who we are and how we affect them and what they think, and we kind of jumble it all up into this summary of who we define ourselves to be. If we allow ourselves to be defined by other people's judgments and statements, that's a really, really confusing place to be, because every single person you know, every single person you meet, has a different view. None of them really know the truth, only you do, and that's why we have to tune into our own voice.
Speaker 1:I could literally talk hours about neuroplasticity, identity, self-belief, all of that, but this episode is more of an overview of all of these topics that I've been spending months, even years, on. I keep running into the same quote over and over lately, and it's one that I've loved for a long time, but it keeps coming up and I love the way it fits into this whole discussion. This one's uh, it's by Carl Jung and it's we All Walk In Shoes Too Small For Us. I love this. It is so true. It has to do once again with identity, belief in self. Who do we see ourselves as? Our too small shoes keep us from stepping into that largeness. You know that expansiveness that is meant for us, and we're all walking around in these shoes that are way too small. But for me, it's not necessarily about having the biggest or loudest voice. I think people think that when they hear this quote, it's not about that, but rather being able to allow yourself to move outside of that shoe, claim what's yours, use your unique voice, not loudly, not huge, just using your unique voice with confidence and full body, belief instead of volume. So it's about loosening those laces on the shoes that have been assigned to you by other people, by life, by where you were born, how you were born, how you feel right now, and step into the ones that feel right, the ones that are meant for you, changing those inner beliefs and that identity, and doing it with humility rather than modesty, which brings me to this favorite here.
Speaker 1:It is how about you don't have to build an empire or dominate an industry or be the number one at anything. What if you simply build a lovely life that makes you feel happy, a life that brings you joy, that is generative and supportive? What if you heal the parts of you that need more and more and more? What if you redefined what success looks like and feels like to you? What if you decided enough is enough? What if you felt satisfied right here and now, for the moment? What if you realized your life is likely a lot closer to your ideal and the one you've been dreaming of? What if changing the filter in which you view your life makes everything that much more vibrant? How much open, empty space would be left for your joy if you stopped thinking you needed to earn it? How much time could you spend in the actual living of your life if you let go of constantly striving for more without means to an end? How much more beautiful would this moment right here and all the tiny moments become for you?
Speaker 1:And that was by Jamie Varen, and it's so similar to things that I've already written, but I had to read this because it's so powerful. It's all questions. There's no one speaking to you saying you got to do this. This is the way it should be. It's what, if? How about? Have you thought of this? It's approaching something with curiosity and openness and, hey, have you thought about this one? Which is why I love it so so much?
Speaker 1:And I purposely included it right after talking about us all walking in shoes too small for us and saying, hey, loosen those laces, wear those shoes that are, that are right for you, and let your voice out, because it doesn't have to be this huge, huge event or this empire where I am number one. It's like find where you fit and the life that feels good to you and go all in, whatever that means. You don't have to have a billboard. Find the right shoes for you. Stop wearing the shoes that other people gifted, you, gave you, and wear your own. Speak your voice However it feels right for you.
Speaker 1:And now, since I feel like this fits in so well with my humility rather than modesty episode that I did a few years ago, I am tacking it on to hear for you to listen to. It's not very long at all, but it's a story from my past, which I don't tell a lot of stories. I talked about all the jobs that I had for so many years in the intro to this podcast and then never really spoke about much of it. But this is a story about how I learned the value of really owning what you do and simply saying you are welcome when I offer it up, instead of oh, thanks for giving me this opportunity. I think it fits in so well with all of this, because again we talk about oh, go big and put your voice out there, and everybody's got their own tone. It really comes down to belief, identity and really getting in there and figuring out hey, who am I, what do I want and what really makes me tick? And, even more importantly, what if you felt satisfied right here and right now and took it all in? Okay, so here it is.
Speaker 1:The first draft title of this episode was much more polite. Originally it was just named You're Welcome, but today, as I was putting the finishing touches on what I wanted to say, I ran across a book title called being Humble. I haven't read it yet, but the title intersected with this idea and really got me thinking. First of all, I took the liberty to switch it from f**king humble to f**king modest. I think that humility can actually be a very good thing. It's modesty that needs to take a hike. And since so many people seem to become confused with the two ideas, I'd love to dissect them a bit.
Speaker 1:The definition of modesty is demureness, the quality of not being too proud or too confident in your abilities To play it small in order to make others feel more comfortable around you. Um, no, no, thank you. To think that this could be regarded and taught by anyone sends shivers up my spine. Denying the world of your gifts serves no one. Now, the definition of humility is something different, something I believe in and see the value behind. To be humble, the feeling or attitude that you have no special importance that makes you better than others. Lack of arrogance. You can believe in yourself and your abilities with all your might and also be humble. You can self promote and feel proud of your accomplishments without being arrogant. There is nothing wrong with owning your value and knowing your worth, as long as you don't place yourself higher on the important scale because of it being happy with yourself. But humble is a beautiful, beautiful thing, Modesty, not so much. It actually breaks my heart a little every time I see an artist who has made something astonishingly wonderful, but they feel that they have to downplay it with modesty and self-deprecation. Or a woman who's told that she's beautiful but she can't accept the compliment. But back to the reason why this episode was originally named your welcome.
Speaker 1:I have a story for you. Just about 20 years ago, I graduated from college, moved to LA and got myself this tiny little studio apartment in the heart of Koreatown. Things have drastically improved in that area now, but when I lived there it was definitely not a desired place on the map. My dad was greatly displeased when he saw where I was moving all by myself, but I love the idea of going out of my own so much. It felt so big and exciting. It didn't matter to me that I had to put cockroach traps in my kitchen or wait for the wild dogs to pass my car when parking at night. I had finally arrived in the land where people make their dreams come true, where being different is applauded and you find your tribe.
Speaker 1:I had big dreams and a lot of unsubstantiated belief in myself, seeing that I had almost zero training at that point. But that town will wear you down fast, if you allow it. So after a few months of trying to secure a job, rather than going in and conquering my dreams like I had imagined, I ended up feeling like a beggar at the door of every casting and talent agent in town. To just have the chance to step foot inside their office felt like this enormous win, a gift that they had bestowed upon only the lucky few. Soon, all those big dreams were reduced to the point where merely getting an audition at all became the only goal. Forget working on an actual set. The words dime. A dozen were pointed my way. Much more than unique or special, the reality of the situation became real, humbling, real fast. Luckily for me, my acting coach at the time ended up booking a role in a film for several months and we were given a substitute who had been teaching the level above us.
Speaker 1:That woman strolled through those doors and rocked my world. Her name was Jocelyn Jones and she was the living antithesis of modest. She owned the room. When she sat you up on that stage under the spotlight for your scene study critique, you prayed for mercy. She didn't mince words and she sought nobody's approval. Her opinions were her own and she gave them. Whether you liked it or not, I was absolutely terrified of her, but I also admired her strength and wanted to soak up every bit of her wisdom. I loved the stories that she would tell us and I will never forget the day when she stood up on that stage and taught us the power of saying you're welcome. She looked at us and said when you finish your audition, you stand there confidently and wait for them to thank you. Don't you ever thank them back, look them in the eye and say you're welcome, thank you Huge perspective shift. No longer the beggar, you are in control. You worked your ass off, not only to get in that room, but to deliver the best audition you had living inside of your body. If it was an intense scene, you laid your heart out there for those producers to bear witness. Don't you dare thank them for taking the time to watch? They should be thanking you. Not only does this idea result in owning your worth, but it also raises the stakes for what you pour into your process. If you feel the push to say you're welcome instead of thank you, you're also delivering a better product. You rise to the occasion.
Speaker 1:Not long after that lesson sank in, I began to book jobs and work on sets. Perspective is everything and, funny enough, I recently heard Brian Cranston from the Best Show Ever Written Breaking Bad and he talked about this very thing. Brian said you have to go into that room to do a job, not get a job. So if you walk into an office and you don't want anything from them, you're there to give them something. Your energy completely changes, you come in there with confidence and you leave them with your work.
Speaker 1:This idea can be applied to all sorts of endeavors in life, not just an audition. I have carried these words with me through every facet of life. Whenever I begin to feel small or that maybe I need something from someone, whether it's a job or maybe even their approval I remind myself of those two words You're welcome. Own that room while still being humble. Don't be modest. It is your right and your duty to show yourself what you can do.
Speaker 1:I'll end this with one of my favorite stories about the difference between modesty and humility, told by Glen and Doyle about the very first time that she sat down with Oprah after her breakout success. Glen was still at the point where she was wrapping her head around all that she had brought to fruition in her life. As Oprah was praising her work, glen started with self-deprecating talk and began reducing her achievements to something smaller. And Oprah looked at her and said Don't do that, don't be modest. Dr Maya Angelou used to say that modesty is a learned affectation. You don't want modesty, you want humility. Humility comes from inside out.
Speaker 1:Glen and then interpreted Oprah's words and what they meant to her. To Glen, and she was saying Every time you pretend to be less than you are, you steal permission from another woman to exist fully. Don't mistake modesty for humility. Modesty is a giggly lie and act, a mask, a fake game, and we have zero time for that. Life is too damn short. Go after everything you want. I've got nothing else to say but that, until we meet again, stay curious and you're welcome.